Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Monday, December 29, 2008

Today's the Day

So Becca woke me up at 4:15 this morning.  And the only reason I didn't slap her in the face for such treason was that today is the day we are set to become parents.  Just kidding about the slapping her in the face.  I would've angrily muttered out some unintelligible words though.  You'd better believe that.

Since it was well before the butt-crack of dawn, I of course had to stop to get some food on the way.  The lady in What-A-Burger commented on how Becca was still driving and Becca didn't get upset about it.  Today really must be a special day. 

 On the way to the hospital I think I was told about two dozen times how hungry she and the babies were.  I can't really blame her.  I mean, she's been eating like a horse for the last nine months and now they tell her she can't eat anything at all?  Poor kid.  Please, wish me luck for the rest of the day.  I can see her getting more and more aggravated as the day goes on without food.  

When we finally arrived at the hospital we were lucky enough to get a front-row parking spot.  Becca figured that meant that we were going to have a good day.  I disagreed when we found out 30 seconds later that we actually parked in front of the wrong entrance.  Figures.  

So then we make our way to the proper building on the right floor where we proceeded to wonder around aimlessly for a good solid five minutes.  If anybody currently employed by the Suites at River Oaks ends up reading this, please take notice of this:  PUT BETTER SIGNS UP.  Just put a giant sign when we get off the elevator that says 'Go Here.'  The guessing game on a day like today = not cool.

We eventually did make it into the right part of the the right entrance of the hospital and were now really far away from our car.  That sucks for me because I have to go get all of our stuff later.  Ugh.  

So we show up to the desk and Becca basically has to sign her life away at that point.  One of the questionnaire deals asks if she has a living will.  Being that the two of us have a combined 4 years experience at various law firms, you'd figure we would have one, but no.  So we started discussing who would actually want all of our crap.  That was extremely entertaining, yet quite dark and I think the poor lady who works at the front desk thinks that we're insanely twisted, but oh well.  She's half right anyway.

So now here I sit in a hotel off of Sunset . . .  oh wait no.  I'm actually in a nice delivery room with faux hardwood floors and a giant armoire that comes stocked with a 14-inch television and a top-of-the-line VCR with a cabinet door that doesn't open.  Well actually it does open, but once you get it open you can't close it again.  And I'm officially not allowed to touch anything for the rest of the day.  Woohoo.

Sunday, December 28, 2008


It's weird to think that I can feel my babies kicking right now, as I am typing this post, and tomorrow they will be here. Wow...

I'm not really tired. (Kellen is laying in the bed right next to me sound asleep) Not sure if it because I can't sleep or because I sleep till 11 today. I have to get up in 5 hours (4am) to make sure we get to the hospital on time. Ugh....It's hard to explain what I am feeling right now because I'm not nervous at all about having children. Kellen and I are probably the most laid back people in the United States. I think I'm more nervous about having surgery. I know that my doctors do this very often and are good at what they do. Just please pray that everything goes well and that I don't feel anything. 

Anyways, I can't believe that it's finally here! I will post pictures as soon as I can. 

P.S. - Please keep my friend Jenn in your prayers. She is also pregnant and found out that she has preclampsia.  Please pray that she and Graham will be safe. She wants to make it to 34 weeks and she is now at 32! I know she can do it!!!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

36 Weeks, 4 Days

Well, 3 people have guess the birthday correctly!! Mrs. Beverly, Lora and Scott! December 29th will be the big day!! Yay!! 

I went to the doctor yesterday and everything went awesome! They got measured and also had physicals . Baby A measured to be 6.2 pounds and Baby B measured to be 6.9. Of course that is just an estimation. Also, they had their physicals. Singletons apparently do not have physicals so I will try to explain what the doctors are looking for. The babies are trying to get a score of 8 out of 8. They look for movement of both babies (kicking, moving arms, turning). They also make sure they are practicing breathing. The babies aren't actually breathing the fluid their lungs are just contracting. If they are practicing, that means their lungs are developing correctly. They also check for a strong heartbeat. Last time we went to the doctor Baby B was apparently being very lazy and not practicing breathing but this time both babies passed with flying colors. 8 out of 8.

While I was at the doctor, she decided that it was time to schedule a time to have the babies. I was SOOO excited! She then began to explain to me what would happen during the C section. I will not explain everything but one thing I was really sad about was that I only get to see the babies for approximately 2 seconds a piece and then they get rushed away to be cleaned and checked. I will then be in recovery for an hour BY MYSELF and I won't be able to see the babies for an hour!!! What the heck! I just birthed the rug-rats and I have to give them up for everyone else to ooo and ahhh over. Oh well, I just pray they are healthy, happy babies. 

Anyway, everyone is invited to greet the babies into the world. I will go back around 8 and the babies will be here shortly after. Let me know if you would like to come! We would love to have you!!!!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

35 Weeks

35 WEEKS!!! That means we could have two little babies in 3 weeks IF they don't come earlier! Ahhhhhhh....I can't believe it. Everything has been going well. I haven't swollen any and I'm not THAT uncomfortable. 

So, in this post I have decided to make a list of things you shouldn't say to a pregnant woman:

- "You look like you are about to pop."
- "Wow"
- "When are you due, again?" (If you can't remember the first 30 times you asked, you don't deserve to know.)
- "I'm surprised you've done so well."
- "You look bigger every time I see you."
- "You are huge" (Yes, someone actually said this to me.)
- "You look like you have only gained a little water weight in your face." (Which I haven't.)

ALL OF THESE THINGS HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN SAID TO ME!!! Ugh. From that list the one that I CAN'T stand is, "You look like you are about to pop." Are you freaking kidding me?!?! That's just a nicer way to say you are huge. If you think I'm huge just keep it to yourself. I have even had another pregnant woman (In the store Motherhood Maternity) comment about me being big. Funny, she was just as big as me, not as far along as me, and I'M HAVING TWO!!! So there!!! 

I guess this post is just a way to tell people that it's not polite to just say whatever you want to a pregnant person. Oddly enough, we still have feelings. :o)  

The title to the next post will be "I feel like I'm walking around with the Elephant Man." Just something to look forward to!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

So much to be thankful for...

Hello all!

I went to the doctor yesterday and got a very good report. I'm sad to report that anyone that guessed in the 5 pound range is more then likely going to be WRONG!!! Baby A is 4 pounds 7 oz. and Baby B is 4 pounds 11 oz.!!! We have a pair of healthy babies on our hands! The sonogram tech said that babies usually gain about 1/2 a pound every week from now on. ugh...DO THE MATH. The doctor said that if they came tomorrow they would do just fine. I don't have any pictures because it's almost impossible to get a decent picture from those two right now. They are laying in the same exact position so it's incredibly hard to tell them apart. I could see two heads and two spines, that's about it. 

I have so many things to be thankful for. My husband is the most supportive person ever. He loves me and I love him. I couldn't imagine marrying anyone else. My amazing parents. They have always been there for me and also for Kellen (which is very touching). I am also thankful for Kellen's parents. We are so lucky to have both set of parents that still love each other. I am thankful for my brother and sisters (Michael, Julie and Camie) and M & J's children (Jackson and Lorelei)! There is nothing like hearing a two year old sing Jesus Loves Me.  I am thankful for all my friends. It makes me sad that some of us live so far apart but I am still thankful for them!! Last but NOT least. I am thankful for such a healthy pregnancy. I have been so lucky. I'm so thankful that I'm not on bed rest. I can't wait to meet these little babies and I hope they are just as cooperative out in the real world as they are in my stomach! 


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Make Me Babies

So....Meet Baby Farmer! If I do say so myself, I think he is pretty cute!

Meet Baby Lott! These are some of our friends that are having a baby also!

I had way to much fun with this website! I want to keep making babies but my computer is about to die....ugh....more later!

Sunday, November 23, 2008


I now know what it means to "nest". I have started to organize everything in the house because these babies will be here in 55 days if not SOONER. I am already started to notice that our house might be to small for our growing family but getting a bigger house is not even a possibility . 

One joy of being a teacher is getting great vacations. This week I have the WHOLE week off and I plan on enjoying every second of it. 

Things on my to-do list this week:

Take Kellen's car to get fixed/oil change
Go to the dentist and eye doctor
Finish organizing the babies' room
Write thank you notes
Clean up the garage 
Get someone to paint the bookshelf
Write lesson plans for the next 3 weeks
Get Kellen to finish painting the back bedroom
Organize back bedroom
Put up all Christmas decorations
Watch Regis and Kelly every morning
Cook sweet potato casserole for Thanksgiving
Watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
Finish all Christmas shopping
Wrap all Christmas presents

Update on the count:

Both: 9
Boys: 6
Girls: 8

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Word 'Cute'

Let's be honest.  I'm probably not the most sentimental human being ever.  That's not to say I don't have emotions.  I just don't put them on display that often.  I think more people have walked on the moon than have seen me get worked up over a non-sporting event.  I can swear just fine.  I just don't cry.  Except when the ant died in 'Honey, I Shrunk the Kid.'  Wow.  That tore me up.

Anywho, since Becca's been pregnant I've been forced to look at more baby stuff than I care to remember.  I've seen outfits, onesies, head gear, foot wear and a lot of other paraphernalia in every pattern, collection and design in every store and on every website.  This creates quite a dilemma for me.  Most of the time, I'm not just shown the cabbage patch collection.  I'm usually expected to comment on it as well.

Here's an average encounter between Becca and I.

"Hey, look at this." - Becca
"What is it?" - Me
"It's a reindeer outfit!" - Becca
"That thing could fit a three-year-old." - Me
"Well I'm sure they have it in smaller sizes." - Becca
"I guess." - Me
"Yea, but isn't it cute?!?!" - Becca

It's go time.  Now I have .02 seconds to properly respond to a pregnant lady with fragile pregnant emotions.  My brain goes into overdrive and starts looking up 'cute' in my mental thesaurus.  In these .02 seconds I consider all of the following options:

1.) "Yup."  Too neutral.  It sounds like I'm not listening.  That'll never do.
2.) "Uh huh."  That's my 'I'm in another place listening to something other than you' response.  Not a good idea.

3.) "Looks good."  I may as well say "I don't care.  Just do whatever you want to."  Which you would think would be an alright response, but NO.  You aren't allowed to not have an opinion when it comes to such matters.  Keep this in mind for the future all you males.  You cannot disagree, but you also cannot not care.  

4.) "No way."  I must be careful with this one.  No matter how bad I might hate it, she may love it.  And even if she hates it, she might not be in a mood to hear my negativity.  So if she suggests it in any way, shape or form, stay away from this one or face the wrath of Pregnito.

5.) "Yea, that is cute."  I haven't actually used this one yet, but judging by our relationship, this would set off all sorts of bells and whistles in Becca's head.  Usually, cute is not in my vocabulary unless somebody has recently done or said something stupid.  And then it is used in an extremely sarcastic tone not to be at all confused with a farm, fuzzy feeling of approval.

For the particular reindeer outfit incident, I just said something to the effect of we'll look for one later and put it off.  Personally, I don't think they'll be here before Christmas, so I've thwarted making a spectacle of my children for at least another year or so.  

Another good reason to not waste their first costume on the reindeer get-up is so that we can first dress them up in something similar to this:

If you know where I can find two of these costumes by next October, I will officially be your best friend ever.  Usually I don't find pictures of babies 'cute' but I laughed out loud at work when I saw this.  I mean, first of all, look at the kid's face.  That's HILARIOUS.  I want to meet these parents and shake their hands on a job well done.

I officially nominate them to receive the first annual Kellen Farmer Parent of the Year award.  They better enjoy it while it lasts, because something tells me I'll be sweeping that category for the next 30 or 40 years.  Becca will be a close runner-up however.  I may even give her one of my trophies.  Why?  Because I'm just that kinda guy.

bigger and Bigger and BIGGER

Right after we found out that I was pregnant at Scott and Lisa's wedding:

This picture was taken around 20 weeks: 
And this is me at 32 weeks: 
My doctor says that I'm not done growing....Can I really get any bigger?!?!?! 

We also have some more guesses! Here they are:

Kellen's Dad: 1 boy/ 1 girl    5.12/5.2
Mrs. Sandy: 2 boys 5.8/6.3
Ben:  1 boy/ 1 girl 7/6 (One named Ben and the other Taylor)

So that makes the standings:  
Both: 8
2 Boys: 5
2 Girls: 6

Last night I had a dream that I was having a boy and a girl....

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Scott and David.....8 pounds.....I hope you both are wrong....

Carey: 1 boy/1 girl        5.7/6.3
David: 2 boys                High 7's low 8's
Kandis: 2 boys             5.8/6.2
Chris: 1 boy/1 girl        Average of 7.25
Lina: 1 boy/1 girl          6/6.8
Ashley: 2 girls               5.9/5.4
Lora: 2 boys                  5.3/5.9
Sharon: 2 girls              6.2/6.5                       both: 6      boys: 4       girls: 6
Marty: 2 girls                no weights....
Scott: 2 boys         8/6
Pop: 2 girls                   5.3/5.6
Nana: 1 boy/1 girl         5.13/6.3
Michael: 2 girls            6.8/6.3
Julie: 2 girls        5.13/5.8
Christi: 1 boy/1 girl    6.5/5.10
Andrew: 1 boy/girl     6.0/6.2

Keep the guesses coming!

Here is a picture of the bed and bedding:

My project for Thanksgiving holidays! Anyone wanna help!?!?!?

Monday, November 10, 2008

Yea, Yea. I'm Back.

It's 10:24 p.m. and I'm watching the remainder of the 49ers vs. Cardinals game on Monday Night Football.  I'm about halfway done with my first Coca Cola Classic of the evening and I figure now might be a good time for a Kellen update.  Becca did a good job and all, but I've had enough folks butter my ego enough to post again.

Well, the babies are close.  We don't have a bag packed to go to the hospital or anything, but I'll be a proud father of two in less than two months (according to most of you).  

Since the last update a lot of time has been spent preparing the house for the arrivals.  The kids have their own room all done up with more stuff than I know what to do with.  Apparently we need it all and I think we still have another shower to go.  I haven't been to one of these yet and honestly, I don't plan on going.  But thanks for all the stuff guys! (Seriously, I know I'm sarcastic alot, but we do appreciate it).

Prior to actually getting the stuff, we had to do one of the things I hate most in the world:  shop for it.  Good grief I hate shopping.  More than anything.  Every time Becca asks me to go to the grocery store it puts me in a pissy mood.  Sure, I go, but I don't speak the entire time and I basically follow behind her with a dead man walking kinda thing going on.

So we go to Target and look at baby stuff.  Now, let's be honest.  I am a 23 year old male who knows about baseball, guitars and moonjumps.  Somewhere in there, I never really picked up a great knowledge of babies.  So I've learned a lot of new words lately.  "Boppy" is apparently a real thing said by adults on a near-daily basis.  Who knew?

At one point, I think Becca actually set me up to look stupid (I guess it's revenge for laughing at her every time she asks me how to spell things like cheese).  So we're strolling through the stroller section (GET IT?!?!) and then we wander into the cribs aisle.  To me, these things don't look big enough to hold actual babies.  Granted, I don't really know what size children are, but still, I've seen enough movies to judge and say, "they're going to grow out of those pretty soon."

Let the chuckles begin.  Apparently, somebody somewhere decided it would be a good idea to make scale models of the cribs.  What the hell??  Who does that??  If I go buy a car, I don't want to see a scale model.  I want to see the actual car.  What good is the scaled version going to do except cause me to say, "doesn't that look small?"  So Becca got a good laugh out of that.

When we're in the actual baby aisle, I'm basically a 3-year-old asking his mom random questions.  What does this do?  What is that for?  Do babies really do this?  And the answer:  yes.  Apparently they do vomit enough to require about 18 dozen bibs.  And they do poop enough to have a ready supply of like 500 diapers.  

We currently have no more room to put diapers, so they're sitting in our guest bath tub.  That was my idea.  Genius, I know.

Other fun events to prepare for kids:  putting baby stuff together.  I've always heard difficult directions referred to as "stereo instructions."  Well bump that.  From now on and for the rest of my days they will be known as Graco instructions.  

I don't know anything about Graco except that their Director of Directions should be shot.  In the foot.  And then slapped on the lower back before being forced to show me how Diagram 9.7 makes any semblance of sense at all.

I'm sure it's a great company and according to our catalog of items they appear to be the Clear Channel of the baby world, but damn.  GET IT TOGETHER PEOPLE.  If the pack and play is impossible to put together to begin with, the idea of breaking it down and moving it from place to place is a bit misleading.

So that was a pain.  And so was the crib.  And so was the second crib.  And so was the swingy thing that turned itself on the other night and caught our attention as we were leaving the house.  That's right.  Dark house + baby swing moving on its own = bad combination according to all of the '80's horror movies I love so much.  

At least we just got a really big TV.  That way if our kids get sucked into it by an angry dead Indian carcass we have a good shot of finding them, right?  If the big giant oak tree in the back reaches through the window and tries to eat me though, I'm out.

ps - Anquan Boldin just scored.  Which ruins my placement in fantasy.  He's not on my team, or my opponent's team, but he did just win it for another guy in the league that I needed to lose so that I could move up into the top spot.  DARNIT.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

It's me, Becca!

Well, I know that Kellen has completely disappointed everyone since he hasn't posted in a while so I am going to do my best to keep everyone updated. I'm not a good writer or near as funny as Kellen but I will fill you in on our babies lives. 

I went to the doctor the other day and the babies got measured. Baby A is currently 3.2 pounds which is in the 64 percentile and Baby B is 2.13 pounds which is in the 55 percentile. For those of you that don't understand the percentage mumbo jumbo I will try to explain. Babies that are average are in the 50 percentile. Since one of our babies in the 64 percentile, that mean that he or she is actually a little bigger then an average baby. Same with Baby B but just a little smaller then Baby A.  The sonogram tech said that their sizes were great and everything was looking good so far! :) 

This morning when I woke up my alarm went off to tell me that I was 30 weeks pregnant. I know I sound like the worst mother ever since I can't seem to remember how many weeks I am but I will just blame it on "pregnancy brain". 30 WEEKS!!! Holy cow. I have about 8 WEEKS left. 8!!!!!! Thankfully I have gotten just about everything I need. The only thing we are lacking are mattresses which I'm going to get tomorrow! Here are some awesome things that we have gotten so far!

These are the adorable car seats that I picked out. I love them and I think they are super neutral. I have already hung toys from the handles as if the babies will be able to play with them. Thanks Dad, Mom, Uncle Bill and Aunt Jody for each getting us one!!
This is our stroller. The car seats snap directly into the base. It is huge but it's awesome and really the only stroller that I found that will hold two car seats. Thanks Tracy and Michael (mom-in-law and dad-in-law)!
This is our pack and play. The babies will be sleeping in this for a while. Kellen and I put this together in the living room and to get it back to our room we will have to take it apart. Graco directions are pretty much the worst directions I have every tried to follow so we decided to leave it in the living room until it NEEDS to be moved to the back. 
This is the matching swing. I got bored one day and decided to put it together by myself. Like I said, Graco direction are awful and the base ended up falling off. Good thing it fell apart before we put a baby in it. 

I decided that it would be fun to start a pool on what the genders, weights and due date (if that applies) of both babies will be. Example: 2 girls/5 pounds a piece/January 8th. I would love to hear everyone's guesses! Just leave a comment and I will add it to the list!

Friday, August 22, 2008

4 Months & 3 Weeks

The babies look great! All of their organs are developing correctly!! YAY!!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Reaction Diaries

So far the best part about being a first-time father in the making has been telling people about the impending arrival.  All of my friends took it about like I expected them to, with the cool casual, “Ah, man that’s great” kind of stuff.  Then I drop the bomb.  It’s twins.  That’s when the responses get really good.

At this point everybody was honestly surprised.  Before it wasn’t too big of a shock that Becca was pregnant, except that it might have made some of my high school friends feel old.  But now it was a sincere ‘What in the world’ kind of moment. 

The first non-family member, non-accidental golf course revelation I made was to Scott, one of my best friends since high school.  As soon as I got back from the lunch with the parents I called Scott.  We’d been roommates in college and were both in each other’s weddings so he is probably one of my best friends on the planet.  The conversation (to my best recollection) went something like this.

"Sup?" - Scott (Scott always answers the phone this way.  It's more of a "Suuup" type sound.  Long, drawn-out and white boy ghetto like.)
"Hey man, what's goin' on?" - me
"Not a whole lot, what about you?" - Scott
"Oh, just got back to work.  I just had lunch with the folks and Becca at Peppers." - me
"Oh yea, how was that?" - Scott
"Pretty good.  We just told them that Becca was pregnant." - me
"Um . . .  Wow." - Scott
"Yup.  It's twins, too." - me
"Wow.  I don't really know what to say right now." - Scott
"Well hey, don't worry about it.  I was just calling to let you know real quick.  I gotta go back to work though." - me
"Um, okay.  That's freakin' great though, dude.  I just don't really know what to say." - Scott
"Not a problem.  I'll talk to ya later." - me
"Okay.  Congrats." - Scott
"Thanks, seeya." - me
"Later." - Scott

So I laughed as I imagined Scott hanging up his phone and thinking for a second.  Then opening his phone back up and checking his call log to see if that really just happened.  Haha, poor kid.  Maybe I should've given him a little bit of a warning.  He was supposed to get married in just two weeks, and everything wasn't exactly going properly, so maybe this helped him.  Yea, he didn't necessarily know all of the details less than a month away, but at least he didn't have two kids to worry about.  So for that, you're welcome Scott.

I then proceeded to call my sister.  She didn't take the news well.

"Hey." - me
"Hey, what're you doing?" - Camie (my sister, in case you didn't pick up on that)
"Not much, just at work." - me
"Oh, cool.  What's up?" - Camie
"I was just calling to tell you that Becca's pregnant.  With twins." - me
"Kellen, that's not funny." - Camie
"I'm serious.  You're going to be an aunt." - me
"Ok, well I gotta go." - Camie

My mom said I freaked her out.  I said it couldn't be any worse than what Sonogram technician lady did to me and my now fragile mind.  Either way, I was pissed for a few weeks but we're past that now and she's ready for any Auntly duties.  Whatever those may be.  (Editor's note:  the blog posting page has an automatic spell check.  Both Kellen and Camie are underlined in red as incorrect spellings, but the world auntly is not.  I thought that was interesting and figured I'd share it with the world.)

From there, it  just depended on who I could get on the phone as to the order I told everybody else.  I actually texted my friend Ben.  Ben is another great friend from high school.  I lived with him for two years during college, and apparently our friendship is the lasting type considering it survived three years of his psychotic ex-girlfriend.  So well done to us.  Anyway, his response was, "I hope you're ready for your life to be over."  

Thanks Ben.  Thanks a lot.  To his credit, he did send me back a legitimate congratulatory text saying he was happy for us.  He has now given himself the title of Uncle Bennie, and enjoys sharing his fun facts with me via text message and blog comments.  (Ben and I previously shared a blogging experience, for more on that, please visit:  http://www.xanga.com/aah_201_playaz.)

Another friend Kyle, just responded with a hearty "HOLY CRAP" mixed with a little bit of laughter.  He giggled for a while and just kept repeating "holy crap" over and over.  

The funny part about telling all of these guys was that they all live in Nashville and see each other pretty regularly.  I sort of forgot to tell each of them that they had told the others, so when Scott and Ben got together for a drink later that week they both knew, but didn't know the other one knew.  

According to Scott, there were apparently tip-toeing around the subject with each letting the other know that they had talked to me.  Granted, I am a third party, but I'm going to try and let you know how the conversation went according to both of them:

"So I talked to Kellen the other day." - Scott
"Oh yea?  Me too.  What'd he say?" - Ben
"Not much.  Just seeing how the wedding plans were going." - Scott
"Oh cool." - Ben
"What'd he say to you?" - Scott
Ben then looked at him through squinted eyes and said, "Nothing."
After changing the subject it eventually moved back to me and the news.
"So what'd he tell you?" - Ben
"Nothing important.  What about you?" - Scott
"It was something, but I can't tell.  I don't think." - Ben
"He told me something I can't tell, either.  Do you think it's the same thing." - Scott
"Probably.  So what'd he tell you?" - Ben
"Uh uh, I'm not saying it.  You tell first." - Scott

After going on for a few minutes with this, they both spilled the beans and I found out they also suck at keeping secrets.  It must be a trait shared amongst our entire group of friends.  Sometime during their happy hour, they began discussing who was going to be the godfather.  Then they began texting me and giving me little snippets of their godfather resume.  

Facebook statuses reflected the ongoing "Godfather War" and I laughed because the one thing I told everybody was "You can't tell anybody about this."  Oh well.  

I would have to say Ben definitely lobbied himself into contention through fantasy baseball.  One of my favorite past times, my offense is struggling this year.  My shortstop has shoulder issues and I have too many OF's on my bench to be of any use.  What I needed was a corner infielder with average and power.  What Ben happened to have was a horrible team he never checked and third baseman Garrett Atkins.  A few clicks later, I had Atkins and he had the edge in the race.

He would later put himself ahead by sending me a secret text message letting me know that not only is Scott addicted to cocaine, but he is also a Muslim.  Winner:  Ben.

Too bad we're not having a godfather, huh?

Finally, the absolute best response to the news would have to be one of me and Becca's mutual friends, Anna.  We met Anna working at Twin Lakes Summer Camp where Becca and I initially met so we've known her for a long time.  One of our other camp friends recently found out his wife was having a baby so I used that as a conversation starter.  Once again, the conversation was all done through text messaging and it went like this:

"So ya know how Ben's wife is preggo?" - me
"Yeah!  What about it?" - Anna
"So's mine." - me
"Shut up.........." - Anna
"Nope.  Twins." - me
"Wtf.  Lies." - Anna
"Honest to God truth.  3 months along." - me
"Oh my gosh.........?!?!?! Oh my gosh........?!?!?! Oh my gosh........?!?!?!" - Anna
"Yep.  My feelings exactly." - me

After a few more messages back and forth she had finally accepted the truth and went about telling everybody currently working at Twin Lakes Summer Camp, whether they had ever heard of us or not.

Awesome.  Congrats to us . . .

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Telling the Parents

I cannot tell a lie.  I also cannot keep a secret.  Don't trust me to.  Believe me, I'd rather not know than be told to keep quiet.  So immediately after the Sonogram technician lady officially rocked my world, I texted my buddy Jeff and told him the good news.

I realize this is a bit odd.  I probably should've called my parents or my best friend or somebody I've known for more than a year and a half.  So allow me to explain this.  

During the 2007 baseball season, I had the pleasure of working for a minor league baseball team.  The days were long, the pay well below minimum wage and the stadium I worked in was slowly falling apart around me.  That being said, it was the single greatest job I've ever had.  Jeff happened to be a lowly intern like myself.  He also happened to have a baby girl smack dab in the middle of the season.  So when Becca had the positive prego tests, I allowed myself to tell one person and one person only:  Jeff. 

Therefore he became the only person in my world who could actually convince me that this was not only a possibility, but a reality.  It also helped that he now lives in Birmingham and the few dozen acquaintances we share are scattered all over the country.  So even if Jeff can't keep a secret (as I've already admitted to being guilty of), it really won't affect me too much.  

When I met Jeff's wee little girl, Jordan, for the first time I was terrified.  I've held two babies in my entire life.  One was my sister, right after she was born and I was two.  I have no idea what in the hell my parents were thinking, but I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time.  The other was my nephew, Jackson.  I only held him long enough to awkwardly pose for a picture where my discomfort is easily visible.  I have Becca to thank for that one.

So Jeff laughed at my fear of his newborn daughter and said something to the effect of "she doesn't bite" but I didn't believe him.  She looked fierce.  Anyway, Jeff was my personal support group during the time I found out about the pregnancy so I sent him a message right away that said "So, um . . .  There's two of them."  By the time we were escorted to Dr. Brantley's office, I had a response:  "Holy sh*t!  Are you serious?!?!"

My feeling exactly.

So the next couple of minutes were spent discussing my potent sperm, our expectations for the next six or seven months, Becca's need to pack on about 40 pounds or so and I'm almost certain several vital pieces of information that I was too dazed to actually absorb.  I was just furiously texting Jeff and he obliged by repeatedly laughing at my shock.  How sweet of him.

At some point between the time we payed and the time we left the building Becca and I realized that daunting task No. 2 was now priority No. 1.  We actually had to tell our parents.  My original plan for telling our folks was this:  get them together and tell them we were getting a divorce.  Give that a few minutes to sink in and then say, 'Just kidding!  We're really pregnant!'  

It seemed like a good idea.  Then they would be twice as excited.  No divorce AND grandchildren.  That idea, however, was quickly vetoed (Becca feels that she now represents three voices in every vote).  So we decided to meet our folks on my lunch hour on Saturday.  I felt like we were leading our parents into an ambush.  Not only a baby, but two of the little buggers. . .

Saturday had finally arrived and we were standing in line at Sweet Pepper's Deli.  I was nervous so my hands were cold, my mouth was dry and I just knew the old folks had figured it all out.  Since our mom's birthdays are only a week apart, we said we got them presents that they had to open at the same time.  The fact that I suck at keeping secrets may not be directly tied to the fact that I suck at surprising people, but I think they're somewhat related.  

So I just knew they had it all figured out and were just being nice and letting us have our fun.  Becca had gone and bought two pairs of baby outfits for each mom and labeled them 'Surprise No.1' and 'Suprise No. 2'.  Apparently that's what three out of four had voted on, so that was our method.  Finally, as me, Becca and both sets of parents sat in a booth waiting on our food to come, I decided it was time.  The next few minutes were a blur so this is to the best of my recollection:

"Ok, it's time to open the presents." - Becca
"Yea, let's open 'em up!" - Mrs. Linda (Becca's mom)

It's at this point that I almost chum up the chili nachos I have so far finished off.  The tissue paper starts to ruffle and Becca and I just look at each other and start to laugh.  My mom gets to the onesie first.

"Oh, JESUS!"  

My mom isn't one to just go throwing that one around, yet alone at that volume in a crowded restaurant.  So I nearly pulled a Saved by the Bell by almost spraying the table with my most recent sip of water.

I don't really remember what Linda's reaction was, but I know Mr. David just kept repeating "Are you kidding?"

Becca chuckled and said, "No.  Keep going there's more."

Again, my mom found the wee little outfit first and burst forth with, "Holy Shit!"  

At this point people were starting to stare.  I kept begging my mom to keep quiet, but the battle was lost.  David was up and pacing.  At first he was rubbing his forehead, then his chest, then back to his forehead.  I thought we'd killed the poor guy.  He just kept mumbling to himself.  I think there were variations of 'Are you kidding?', 'No way' and 'I can't believe this' going on at this point.

Both moms were doing that weird laughing/ crying thing that only females seem to be able to do and Becca and I were just laughing.  My dad took it like a champ and just laughed through the whole thing before asking me, "Are there any more surprises?"

Thankfully, no, there were not.  I think that was plenty for one day.  David and Becca disappeared outside to go call her brother, Michael, while I was left with the moms and my dad to discuss all the whos, whats, whens, wheres and how in the hells.  The moms showed off the sonogram pictures to the waitress who served us and began planning the 2009 tailgating procedures with the new members.

After eventually getting a free piece of cheesecake because my sandwich never came, I returned to work and once again had to keep a secret.  It killed me to pretend like it was a normal lunch, but I do what I'm told.  After all, it is three against one.

3 Months

Ok, so this first one isn't actually ours.  Kudos to those of you who figured it out.  It's actually the album cover of Agaetis Byrjun, which happens to be one of my favorite albums.  It also happens to look eerily like Baby B, so I figured that was somehow significant.  

Anywho, these are our children:

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

"You're In Trouble"

sur·prise:  1.) to strike or occur to with a sudden feeling of wonder or astonishment, as through unexpectedness, 2.) to come upon or discover suddenly and unexpectedly

Synonyms:  Uh oh, crap, no friggin' way and seriously???

Surprise No. 1:  Finding out that my wife is pregnant.
Surprise No. 2:  Finding out that my wife is pregnant with twins.

The last two months have been rather interesting in my world.  I've found out that I will become a father of two on or around January 17, 2009 at the age of 23.  I realize this is a common occurrence all around the world, but definitely not in my world.  So let's start from the beginning:

About two months ago, my lovely wife Becca told me it might be a good idea to pick up a pregnancy test.  I guess technically, that should've been Surprise No. 1, but my brain attempted to find all the possible holes in this idea and therefore delayed reality.  Enter daunting task No. 1:  sneaking through the local Wal Mart to purchase a pregnancy test without running into anybody I knew.

This covert operation may not seem quite as dangerous as you would think, but I was born and raised in a small town.  Every time I go into Wal Mart I see a former teacher, class mate, church member or general acquaintance of myself, my parents or my sister.  At this point, we were still trying to fly under the radar, so we fumbled our way through the health section trying to find out which cardboard box was better/ cheaper than the others.  Unfortunately, we couldn't stop our child-like giggling long enough to stand there and figure out which one was better than the others so we just grabbed one.

So now that the task of picking the proper pregnancy indicator was done, it was time to tuck that bad boy under our arm (hidden of course by several other random, unnecessary purchases) and haul tail to the front of the store.  Of course I looked both ways before exiting the aisle and saw no familiar faces so we made a mad dash toward the self checkout.  Sadly, the self checkout aisles at the Madison, Miss. Wal Mart aren't open on Sunday afternoons (in case you're ever in town) so we had to do it the old fashion way.  Luckily we didn't know Belinda.  So things worked out there.

Now that daunting task No. 1 is accomplished, we rush home to see the results.  One peed on positive later and my stomach feels funny.  Since two tests come in the box, I suggested we try the second one and see what it says.  Same thing.  Surprise No. 1 is official.  Becca is prego.

Since I'm a male who's out of touch with most of reality, I don't know the proper benchmarks of doctor visits during a pregnancy.  So a few weeks later I find myself in completely new territory:  the gynecologist's office.  Not only is this uncharted territory for most males my age, but it is also a whole new level of awkward.  As I sit in the nearly-empty waiting room I was kept entertained by an obese 12-year-old's conversation lovingly played for the entire waiting room via her speakerphone.  The adorable little child decided to give me the stink eye and speak louder every time I glanced her way, which only added to the awkwardness.  

Anyway, after a few minutes we were called to the back and I was then forced to sit alone in a chair with no wife around to make me look like I belonged in this VIP lady doctor area.  I ended up just playing Brickbreaker on my cell phone as women in various stages of pregnancy passed by.  (High score of 25,750 thank you very much.)

After a few minutes of the brick breaking action, we moved into the Sonogram room where I would be introduced to my offspring for the first time.  Enter surprise No. 2.

After a few minutes of small talk and goop application, the lady pulled up a screen similar to television static and proceeded to click some buttons.  And then it happened . . .  The most jaw-dropping conversation of my entire friggin life.

"Do you see what I see?" - Sonogram technician lady
"Probably not." - Me
"I don't think so." - Becca
"There's two of 'em!" - Sonogram technician lady.
"Pardon?" - Me
"Yea, there's two of them." - Sonogram technician lady (as if we had any idea in hell that was a normal thing)
"Are you kidding?" - Me
"Nope.  There are two babies in there.  See, one and two." - Sonogram technician lady.
"No, seriously.  Are you joking?" - Becca
"No, I'm serious.  You guys are having twins." - Sonogram technician lady.

It's at this point that my wide-eyed stare turns to Becca and I mutter the words, "You're in trouble."

At what is by far the most exciting news I've ever been given, I turn to my lovely wife and all I can muster is "You're in trouble."  I'm going to make one hell of a father.

So after several days of not being able to come up with anything more to say to each other than "frickin' twins" Becca and I now have to face daunting task  No. 2:  telling the parents . . .