Wednesday, July 29, 2009


So today it finally happened . . .  the babies are ill.  We went 7 months willing killing the little punks, let alone infecting them with anything.  Personally, I'd say we surpassed most people's expectations.  So the last couple of days Maddux has been extremely whiny.  He always wants to be held and won't go three minutes without crying.  He's also decided to wake up between 3 a.m. and 4 a.m. wide awake.  Thanks for that bud.  Mommy and Daddy REALLY appreciate it.

So this morning, Avery woke up at 5:45 and unfortunately had both nostrils full of phlegm.  Becca, being an angel, decided to let me sleep and get up and get her.  Personally, I think Becca was making up for the fact that she woke me up at 2:15 and told me to go put MadMan's pacifier back in his mouth (unbeknowst to her, and especially to me who woke up out of bed and limped into their room, he had his pacifier firmly stuck in his mouth).  So yea, Becca wakes up and takes care of her.  She goes to work with the snot sucker squeeze bulb deal and determines that something is wrong due to the insane amount of snot extracted from nostrils A and B.
So Becca, like a good mom, takes little Avery to the doctor.  He says it's very clear that she has a cold and ran a strep test for precaution.  He said that was just a precaution and that she didn't appear to have strep.  You know how when you're playing NCAA '09 and you have like 7 seconds left to go in the game and you're up on your rival by like 3 points deep in their territory and know that you need to impress the recruits with a bigger margin of victory so you throw an ill-advised pass that gets picked off and returned for a touchdown and you end up losing the game AND the recruits?  That's sort of like this.  (No?  Has this never happened to anybody else?  Are you telling me I'm the ONLY one who's ever done this?!?!?!  EA YOU SUCK!!!!)  Anyway, moral of the story:  Avery had strep.  Considering she and Maddux share the same spoon, we're going to go ahead and assume so does he.

So Becca gets a prescription and has it filled.  She brings Avery home and begins to give it to her and Avery says, "Now wait just a darn minute!"  This really isn't unexpected.  She said her first word last week:  Ohio.  No kidding.  She said it!  So Avery is apparently a health freak (I don't know who she got that from) and demanded to inspect the medication before she consumed it.  You can see proof below:
Obviously, she approved of the medicine as she immediately began to chug it.  Again, pictured below.  Do it to it, Avery girl.


Maddux obviously doesn't care.  This is the face that he made when Becca informed him that he might possibly be infected and would have to take medicine.  Let's hope he's an athlete or something.

Immediately after chugging his medicine, Maddux was distracted by another sound at the door.  Wary of the underground clan of ninjas that is obviously after him, he quickly scanned the area for danger.  Luckily, it was just the stupid dog from down the street that likes to pee on the tires of cars parked in the driveway.  Rest easy today, my son.


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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Way to GO!!!

We officially have TWO sitting babies! Don't they look SO grown up? 

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


Holy Cow. 6 months, 2 weeks and 1 day ago I was this large....It's hard to believe that the babies are already 6 and a half months old. Is it crazy that I already cry about them getting bigger? 

Sunday, July 12, 2009


So yesterday morning as Avery was stirring, Becca and I were getting ready to go on a brief roadtrip to Memphis.  Avery was all fed and happy when Maddux woke up hungry.  Becca walked in with a bit of concern and said that his nose was bleeding.  Obviously, this strikes a chord with a parent so I gave him a quick look over and determined that he had quit bleeding.  He still had a bit left over in the nostril, so we used the snot sucker squeeze bulb deal to clean him all up.

After I got done feeding him I went to investigate.  There was a bit of blood on random spots around the sheets and Becca figured that he had scratched himself.  I, however, have another theory.  Please know that this is my best guess, as I was not awake when the event occurred.  

Here's what I think went down:

So at some point after Becca and I went to bed, Maddux was disturbed by a sound outside.  The babies actually have a door instead of a window in their room, so it stands to reason that somebody might try and enter through there.  So Maddux perked his little ears up and listened intently.  Outside he heard two voices, but he couldn't recognize the language.  

So he stood up, turned off his monitor and quietly lept out of the crib and crawled to the door to get a better look.  He peeked his head out the pokadot curtains and he saw TWO NINJAS!  At this point, the ninjas had a lock-picking kit out and were working on the deadbolt.  Maddux knows that the best tool in the art of war is the element of surprise . . .  so he made his way to the living room.  Mad Man got a running start and jumped through the glass of the front door, slightly scratching his nose on the landing (that's when he started bleeding).  

This startled the ninjas, who now turned around to face Maddux.  At this point he said something to the effect of, 'Just what the hell do you think you're doing?'  Through broken English the ninjas introduced themselves as Wigwam and Jeff and explained that they were here to destroy him because he was the chosen one who would bring about the end of their centuries old sect of evil, ancient warriors.  At this point they both bowed out of respect and then they DREW THEIR SWORDS!  ON OUR FRONT PORCH!  THOSE BASTARDS!

Now, most people would consider a six month-old baby up against two sword wielding ninjas to be at a slight disadvantage.  But not Maddux.  That kid's a hardass and a half.  So he fought valiantly to defend his house and family against Wigwam and Jeff, the black ninjas of death.  After a long battle, Maddux managed to unarm Wigwam.  He used his weapon to kill Jeff and whilst doing so Wigwam escaped into the night.  

At this point, it was close to 5:30 or so, and Maddux knows that his big sister wakes up around 6:15 every morning.  He knew he had to get rid of Jeff's body, so he quickly grabbed a shovel and started digging in the flowerbed in the front yard.  I've been working hard to finish the flower bed for the last week or so and only one side had mulch, so Maddux dug up the unfinished side and buried ol Jeffrey.  At this point, he went ahead and did Daddy a favor and mulched over the second half.  Thanks kidd-0.

At this point, Madmartigan still had to replace the window in our front door, so he hotwired the Nissan Altima in our cul-de-sac and drove to the glass company down the road.  On the way, he saw Wigwam wandering aimlessly down Highway 51.  He quickly swerved and took care of Wigwam, made his way to the glass hop and shoplifted a piece of glass that fit PERFECTLY.  Normally, I wouldn't condone stealing, but in this case, the store was closed and he needed it.  I'll swing by on Monday and see if they're missing a 9x4 inch glass pane.  

Finally, Maddux snuck back into the house and replaced the glass pane.  He heard Avery starting to cry, so he quickly crawled up into his crib and layed down.  As Becca started to walk down the hall he forgot that he hadn't turned his monitor back on!  So he quickly jumped up and flipped the monitor on before laying back down quickly (this is how he smeared the blood on the sheets).  By this point, he was so tired that he took a 45 minute nap before hunger got the best of him and he woke up.

Man, that kid's a badass.  Like I said, I can't be sure about all of this, but it is by far my best guess.  Nobody else has offered any other explanations, so until you do, just accept this as the likely truth.  Also, don't ever tell him he's been a bad boy and will get coal for Christmas.  I'm scared of what happen to me in my sleep.

As you can see, Maddux has been in training for quite a while.  He's about three months old in that picture.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

And I'm Back

Kellen here.  Becca has been trying to convince me to write on here again for a while.  Now I want to purchase a drum set and I'm hoping this butters her up . . .  so HERE I AM!!!!  Nothing like true emotionality, eh? 

So we're about six months into this whole parenting thing and I'd say we're doing a helluva job considering the experience we both had.  I've changed dozens of diapers and only really passed off one raunchy one.  I think it was Maddux . . . .  but seriously, that shit was awful.  Whew.   

I have to be honest and say that I don't really read this thing so I don't know what's been posted since the last time I wrote one.  So I'm going to play catch up.  Since the babies were born, I've been transferred to a new position with my company that allows me to be on a normal 8-5 schedule Monday through Friday.  So now I'm at home a lot more with the kidd-0's and Becca.  Speaking of Becca, she has decided not to go back to school next year and will instead be staying home with the children.  Hopefully this arrangement works out good enough so that I won't have to sell the drumset I'm currently pining for.   

Like I said before, the babies are six months old now.  Six months, ten days, nine hours and roughly 12 minutes to be exact.  And no, I didn't have to look that up or ask Becca, thank you very much.  We're currently dealing with Avery preparing for her first teeth.  I listened to a lot of "screaming Jesus" music back in the day (and still do . . .  by the way, Beloved's Failure On is still a fantastic album.  I don't care what you say.  Ben.), but I've never heard ANYTHING like what this child produces.  Her lungs are the size of chicken tenders, but this kid makes my ears ring.

She doesn't take a pacifier.  She won't even get in her Johnny Jump-O deal whilst screaming in agony.  So the only thing that makes her calm is Baby Einstein.  I'm going to go ahead and admit that I am a hypocrite and a half on this one.  Before, I said these videos were garbage that just brainwashed your kids and made them lazy before they knew what lazy was.  Holy hell was I wrong.  At this point, you could tell me that the Pope, Madame Curie, Winston Churchill and Leonardo da Vinci worked together to come up with this and I'd probably believe you.  (Editor's note:  I apologize if I am rambling.  I actually left to go purchase some Baby Orajel after Madame Curie.  True Story.)

So yeah, Avery girl and the Mad Man go nuts over Baby Einstein.  Luckily, those folks were smart enough to add a Repeat Play button on the Main Menu.  That allows fathers to take care of the children on their own when the mothers go out to eat with their friends and don't want to take the babies.  So thank you Disney Corporation.

I am doing quite well as a father though, if I do say so myself.  I've only gagged like once (see above) and I'm not that much of a deadbeat.  In fact, I've actually learned several important things that I'm going to share with you now.  I probably should've known a few of these before, but I didn't.  So here goes:

  1. Don't EVER mess with a happy baby.  I don't care what they're doing.  Leave them the hell alone.  
  2. There are different sized nipples for baby bottles (who knew?!).
  3. Dogs love dirty diapers.
  4. The snot sucker squeeze bulb deal makes some seriously gross noises.
  5. Dogs love the snot sucker squeeze bulb deal.
  6. Babies don't enjoy watching X-Box 360 as much as I had hoped.
  7. Related to #6, I still made it to 2017 on NCAA Football before they started staying awake.
  8. Spit up can still happen even if the kid hasn't eaten in 2 1/2 hours.
  9. Mark Lemke apparently listens to Elton John on his Verizon wireless phone.
  10. Unless they're doing that 'crying so hard they can't breathe' thing, they're just wanting attention.
  11. Baby monitors can pick up farts.  I heard it.  I didn't unleash it.
  12. Handy Manny is actually voiced by Wilmer Valderrama.
  13. The wrench on Handy Manny is the awkward guy from Everybody Loves Raymond.
  14. Wendy's is my favorite form of fast food.  Except for the one on Lake Harbour and Old Canton.  That one can burn in hell.
  15. My sister can't take baby vomit.  
  16. Maddux really likes throwing up on my sister.
  17. Double strollers don't fit through most doors.
  18. In the middle of the night, just act like you don't hear the monitor.  That way Becca wakes up instead.  It usually works.
  19. Night games when it's 45 degrees = a bad idea with two month olds.
  20. Babies are pretty much the coolest things ever.
So that's a very small sampling of the knowledge I've gained over the past half year or so.  I'll be sharing more over the next few weeks.  I just figured I'd give a quick update.  Now, if you laughed at any point, please leave a comment informing Becca to let me purchase my drum set.

One WHOLE year!

I just realized that Kellen started this blog one WHOLE year ago. So much as happened in just one year. It has been a wonderful year to say the least. Let's go on a little trip down memory lane. Here is the blog post from one year ago!

"You're In Trouble"
sur·prise:  1.) to strike or occur to with a sudden feeling of wonder or astonishment, as through unexpectedness, 2.) to come upon or discover suddenly and unexpectedly

Synonyms:  Uh oh, crap, no friggin' way and seriously???

Surprise No. 1:  Finding out that my wife is pregnant.
Surprise No. 2:  Finding out that my wife is pregnant with twins.

The last two months have been rather interesting in my world.  I've found out that I will become a father of two on or around January 17, 2009 at the age of 23.  I realize this is a common occurrence all around the world, but definitely not in my world.  So let's start from the beginning:

About two months ago, my lovely wife Becca told me it might be a good idea to pick up a pregnancy test.  I guess technically, that should've been Surprise No. 1, but my brain attempted to find all the possible holes in this idea and therefore delayed reality.  Enter daunting task No. 1:  sneaking through the local Wal Mart to purchase a pregnancy test without running into anybody I knew.

This covert operation may not seem quite as dangerous as you would think, but I was born and raised in a small town.  Every time I go into Wal Mart I see a former teacher, class mate, church member or general acquaintance of myself, my parents or my sister.  At this point, we were still trying to fly under the radar, so we fumbled our way through the health section trying to find out which cardboard box was better/ cheaper than the others.  Unfortunately, we couldn't stop our child-like giggling long enough to stand there and figure out which one was better than the others so we just grabbed one.

So now that the task of picking the proper pregnancy indicator was done, it was time to tuck that bad boy under our arm (hidden of course by several other random, unnecessary purchases) and haul tail to the front of the store.  Of course I looked both ways before exiting the aisle and saw no familiar faces so we made a mad dash toward the self checkout.  Sadly, the self checkout aisles at the Madison, Miss. Wal Mart aren't open on Sunday afternoons (in case you're ever in town) so we had to do it the old fashion way.  Luckily we didn't know Belinda.  So things worked out there.

Now that daunting task No. 1 is accomplished, we rush home to see the results.  One peed on positive later and my stomach feels funny.  Since two tests come in the box, I suggested we try the second one and see what it says.  Same thing.  Surprise No. 1 is official.  Becca is prego.

Since I'm a male who's out of touch with most of reality, I don't know the proper benchmarks of doctor visits during a pregnancy.  So a few weeks later I find myself in completely new territory:  the gynecologist's office.  Not only is this uncharted territory for most males my age, but it is also a whole new level of awkward.  As I sit in the nearly-empty waiting room I was kept entertained by an obese 12-year-old's conversation lovingly played for the entire waiting room via her speakerphone.  The adorable little child decided to give me the stink eye and speak louder every time I glanced her way, which only added to the awkwardness.  

Anyway, after a few minutes we were called to the back and I was then forced to sit alone in a chair with no wife around to make me look like I belonged in this VIP lady doctor area.  I ended up just playing Brickbreaker on my cell phone as women in various stages of pregnancy passed by.  (High score of 25,750 thank you very much.)

After a few minutes of the brick breaking action, we moved into the Sonogram room where I would be introduced to my offspring for the first time.  Enter surprise No. 2.

After a few minutes of small talk and goop application, the lady pulled up a screen similar to television static and proceeded to click some buttons.  And then it happened . . .  The most jaw-dropping conversation of my entire friggin life.

"Do you see what I see?" - Sonogram technician lady
"Probably not." - Me
"I don't think so." - Becca
"There's two of 'em!" - Sonogram technician lady.
"Pardon?" - Me
"Yea, there's two of them." - Sonogram technician lady (as if we had any idea in hell that was a normal thing)
"Are you kidding?" - Me
"Nope.  There are two babies in there.  See, one and two." - Sonogram technician lady.
"No, seriously.  Are you joking?" - Becca
"No, I'm serious.  You guys are having twins." - Sonogram technician lady.

It's at this point that my wide-eyed stare turns to Becca and I mutter the words, "You're in trouble."

At what is by far the most exciting news I've ever been given, I turn to my lovely wife and all I can muster is "You're in trouble."  I'm going to make one hell of a father.

So after several days of not being able to come up with anything more to say to each other than "frickin' twins" Becca and I now have to face daunting task  No. 2:  telling the parents . . .

It's official!

Induction tickets!!!
We are headed to Atlanta for Greg Maddux's induction to the Braves' Hall of Fame! Woohoo! Unfortunately the babies will not be going with us because it is such a long drive and would probably takes us twice as long to get there. 

Saturday, July 4, 2009

A little piece of heaven...

Yesterday morning Avery, Maddux, me, Kellen, Pop, Nana, G and Paw loaded up TWO cars and made our way to Starkville!! We had a blast and the babies did wonderful.

Stuff needed for a ONE day road trip.

First stop: Christy's Hamburgers
Maddux hanging out with Paw, happy to finally be out of his carseat!
Princess Avery being fed! When the girl is hungry, she is HUNGRY!! Better have a bottle ready! Isn't she beautiful though!

Walking around the bookstore trying to find our game day outfits.
On our way to our tailgating spot. Can't wait for football season!!! Go Bulldogs.
Maddux out...Avery on the way.

Us, babies and grandmothers at our tree (aka: tailgating spot)

The babies in the football stadium.
Both babies are GONE!

Babies on the football field.

Had to stop by to say hello to the mascots that have passed.

Nana and G making sure our seats are still there.

Babies and the Chapel of Memories in the background. 

Shout out to my RUF folks!! Hey!! Babies at the bakery.

Avery and Maddux feeling the awesomeness of the grass on the drill field.

Babies on the drill field.

Shout out to all my Education folks! Hey!! Babies at Allen Hall. Where I spent the last TWO years of my college career. Ugliest building on campus!
Babies at the Hump. Can't wait to take them to a basketball game!
Babies with Dudy Noble in the background.
A great time was had by ALL!! I hope one day, a LOOOOOOONG time from now, my children will be able to enjoy MSU as much as I did. I hope everyone had a great 4th!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Vicksburg or bust!

Our first road trip was a success!!! Today the babies, my mother-in-law ("G") and I made our way to Vicksburg to visit our twin friends Naomi and Melanie and of course their mother Susan. Susan and I lived together at Rice our freshman year at MSU. We had not talked for year but thanks to facebook we reunited! Shortly after becoming friends on facebook we found out that we were both going to be the mother to twins! Her girls are 2 and a half months old and are as cute as can be! I made it out of the door with my camera but unfortunately I FORGOT the battery at home....ugh....

After lunch at Rusty's (yummy) we hit up the outlet mall which ROCKED! The Vicksburg outlet mall has Carters, Gymboree, The Children's Place and OshKosh! Here is what we purchased:

First we went to The Children's Place. I got 2 jackets, 4 shirts, 5 pair of pants and 2 pair of shorts for $38 dollars! Isn't that great!!!

I know I might be jumping the gun a little but I thought these 1st birthday outfits were just to cute! It makes me sad to think about them being one. I don't wanna talk about it. Hopefully they will fit when they are one. Purchased at Gymboree. 

Anyone who has been around Sweet Princess Avery would know that this shirt is perfect for her! I LOVE it. 

Susan took pictures of all of us and the babies so as soon as I get those I will post them. Tomorrow we are going on our second road trip! Two road trips in TWO days = ONE tired momma. Tomorrow we are Starkville bound. I am SO excited to introduce the babies to one of my favorite places on Earth. I will definitely post pictures. 

Changing the subject...Have any of you ever watched "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" on TLC. This show is crazy. There are some women on this show that had twins. THERE IS NO WAY THEY DIDN'T KNOW. NO WAY!!! At the end of every show they try to plead their case for not knowing. Whatever....

I found this picture of one of the Floyd twins. Meet Naomi. Naomi, Susan and Tim stayed with us for the first couple of days of Naomi's life. Poor little Melanie was at UMC but is doing fine now!