The Word 'Cute'

Let's be honest.  I'm probably not the most sentimental human being ever.  That's not to say I don't have emotions.  I just don't put them on display that often.  I think more people have walked on the moon than have seen me get worked up over a non-sporting event.  I can swear just fine.  I just don't cry.  Except when the ant died in 'Honey, I Shrunk the Kid.'  Wow.  That tore me up.

Anywho, since Becca's been pregnant I've been forced to look at more baby stuff than I care to remember.  I've seen outfits, onesies, head gear, foot wear and a lot of other paraphernalia in every pattern, collection and design in every store and on every website.  This creates quite a dilemma for me.  Most of the time, I'm not just shown the cabbage patch collection.  I'm usually expected to comment on it as well.

Here's an average encounter between Becca and I.

"Hey, look at this." - Becca

"What is it?" - Me

"It's a reindeer outfit!" - Becca

"That thing could fit a three-year-old." - Me

"Well I'm sure they have it in smaller sizes." - Becca

"I guess." - Me

"Yea, but isn't it cute?!?!" - Becca

It's go time.  Now I have .02 seconds to properly respond to a pregnant lady with fragile pregnant emotions.  My brain goes into overdrive and starts looking up 'cute' in my mental thesaurus.  In these .02 seconds I consider all of the following options:

1.) "Yup."  Too neutral.  It sounds like I'm not listening.  That'll never do.

 

2.) "Uh huh."  That's my 'I'm in another place listening to something other than you' response.  Not a good idea.

3.) "Looks good."  I may as well say "I don't care.  Just do whatever you want to."  Which you would think would be an alright response, but NO.  You aren't allowed to not have an opinion when it comes to such matters.  Keep this in mind for the future all you males.  You cannot disagree, but you also cannot not care.  

4.) "No way."  I must be careful with this one.  No matter how bad I might hate it, she may love it.  And even if she hates it, she might not be in a mood to hear my negativity.  So if she suggests it in any way, shape or form, stay away from this one or face the wrath of Pregnito.

5.) "Yea, that is cute."  I haven't actually used this one yet, but judging by our relationship, this would set off all sorts of bells and whistles in Becca's head.  Usually, cute is not in my vocabulary unless somebody has recently done or said something stupid.  And then it is used in an extremely sarcastic tone not to be at all confused with a farm, fuzzy feeling of approval.

For the particular reindeer outfit incident, I just said something to the effect of we'll look for one later and put it off.  Personally, I don't think they'll be here before Christmas, so I've thwarted making a spectacle of my children for at least another year or so.  

Another good reason to not waste their first costume on the reindeer get-up is so that we can first dress them up in something similar to this:

If you know where I can find two of these costumes by next October, I will officially be your best friend ever.  Usually I don't find pictures of babies 'cute' but I laughed out loud at work when I saw this.  I mean, first of all, look at the kid's face.  That's HILARIOUS.  I want to meet these parents and shake their hands on a job well done.

I officially nominate them to receive the first annual Kellen Farmer Parent of the Year award.  They better enjoy it while it lasts, because something tells me I'll be sweeping that category for the next 30 or 40 years.  Becca will be a close runner-up however.  I may even give her one of my trophies.  Why?  Because I'm just that kinda guy.